WHO’S GOING TO HELL
THIS WEEK?
June 11, 2001
Death is the end to earthly suffering.
Why anyone would want to end Timothy McVeigh's earthly suffering is beyond
me, but there you go, that's why I'm not working for Satan anymore. Sometimes
even I don't get it.
- Helen -
10. Herbie Hind, a publicist for Sony,
made up David Manning, a fake critic who gave good reviews to Sony Films.
9. Texas is devastated by floods in
the same week that the ex-governor of Texas gets to go to Europe. Coincidence?
I don't think so.
8. Taye Diggs is leaving the cast of
Ally McBeal because he's tired of doing strip scenes. But I wasn't tired
of him doing strip scenes.
7. Representative Mary Bono's proposal
for the federal government to float loans supplying solar panels to 100,000
homes in the desert, taking them entirely off the Edison grid, and solving
the energy crisis in the state, has hit a snag. She hasn't thought of it
yet.
6. George Lucas is planning a re-release
of "Howard the Duck" with the puppet duck removed and replaced by a digital
version voiced by Robin Williams.
5. Why was Sharon Stone's husband Phil
Bronstein mauled by a Komodo dragon at the L.A. Zoo? All part of his
satanic prenups.
4. Every time Philippine kidnappers seize
15 new hostages, Jewel's stock goes up 15 points at the Hollywood
Stock Exchange.
3. Why did Ryan O'Neal get leukemia, the same
disease that killed his girlfriend in "Love Story?" Because Sherry Stringfield
is going back to "ER."
2. Will Iran's president Mohammed Khatami
succeed in his challenge to the ruling Muslim hard-liners? Only
if "What's the Worst That Could Happen" breaks $25 million at the box office.
And the number one person going to hell this
week?
1. In settling a class action suit claiming
they charge exorbitant fees, Blockbuster Video is issuing $450 million
in free coupons. (Go here
for your cut)
Personal to Heath Ledger: $100,000 in a plain
brown suitcase
Personal to Andre: Next stop, the Caymans
Helen's
Autobiography
