WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS
WEEK?
October 29, 2001
Here's a fun game
to play. Turn on your television and Satan will send you one dollar for
every second that goes by without mention of the word anthrax. All part
of the Lord of Evil's plan to demonize all white powders. He wants cops
to stop eating all those powdered donuts.Talcum's next. Satan likes people
to sweat.
- Helen -
10. One good thing about
terrorism? Rosie O'Donnell canceled her show for a week after the
NBC building was hit with the letter full of lethal bacteria.
9. But Christy Turlington
postponed her wedding to Ed Burns because of Sept. 11. Damn you,
Osama bin Laden.
8. Drew Barrymore
and
Heather
Graham canceled trips to New York. Aww, what's the matter babes? Don't
like a little danger? Join the WACS.
7. When World War II
started, Clark Gable, Jimmy Stewart, and Henry Fonda joined the armed forces.
So why haven't the members of 'N' Synch and The Backstreet Boys,
or a single member of the casts of "American Pie" or "Friends" signed
up? Sorry, their contracts with Satan forbid it.
6. Porn star Jenna
Jameson, cover girl of the December issue of High Times, admits there's
a connection between pot and porn. Classified information, Jenna. Don't
you know when to keep your mouth shut?
5. Speaking of
cover girls, what is Anne Heche, recently married and pregnant,
doing on the cover of The Advocate? Is she straight? Is she gay? Is she
bi? All the same when you're roasting over an open spit.
4. Courtney Love
was
offered $8 million to play Janis Joplin but Satan wasn't offered anything
to play Jack the Ripper. Someone's got to fry.
3. Tom Cruise,
Jodie
Foster, Tom Hanks and Arnold Schwarzenegger are returning
all their fan mail, sending all that anthrax back through the postal system.
Bad move, guys. Satan loves yuh.
2. Why is Tony Blair
sending
Prince
Charles to Saudi Arabia? How else could they get Bill Gates to
appear on the 200th anniversary show of "Frazier?"
And the number one people
going to hell this week?
1. Britney and
Pepsi. Christine and Coke. I just can't decide. What the hell, let
'em both burn.
Personal to Ronald Reagan:
Remember the October Surprise?
Personal to Ronald
Reagan: Sorry about that. Of course you don't.
ARITHMETIC FROM HELL
The Bush Family Evil
Empire plus the World Trade Center equals the world minus the World Trade
Center plus war minus civil rights.
QUOTES FROM HELL
"I'm hoping my
posters cause a car crash."
- Elle Ekland
on her ads for the world's most expensive perfume.
"It's like kissing
the Berlin Wall."
- Helena Bonham
Carter on having to shoot a love scene with Woody Allen.
"If ignorance
goes to forty dollars a barrel, I want drilling rights to George Bush's
head."
— Jim Hightower
-
"Israel is pulling
out of Bethlehem. Why are they having such problems with premature withdrawal?
The Catholics have been doing it for years."
- Hiram Exican
-
WEBSITES FROM HELL
http://members.sigecom.net/theclan/Taliban.html
http://www.copvcia.com/stories/sept_2001/bushbin.html
http://www.thenewspapertoday.com/world/inside.phtml?NEWS_ID=31211
http://www.presidentmoron.com/
http://www.tarpley.net/bushb.htm
http://emperors-clothes.com/interviews/brz.htm
http://www.larouchepub.com/other/2001/2839operation_northwds.html
http://www.morphmaster.com/binladen.htm
http://www.bartcop.com/1026tony.htm
http://www.guardian.co.uk/waronterror/story/0,1361,579401,00.html
http://website.lineone.net/~jon.simmons/roy/010929ij.htm
DOUBLE BILL FROM HELL
"Riding in Cars
with Boys - From Hell"
JOKE OF THE WEEK FROM
HELL
An American Marine
in Afghanistan was disappointed because he hadn't had a chance to shoot
at the enemy. He hadn't even seen one of them.
"Okay," his commanding
officer said, "go up on top of the next hill and yell 'To hell with bin
Laden!' Believe me, that'll get them out of hiding fast."
So the Marine
went up to the top of the hill and yelled "To hell with bin Laden!"
An Afghani came
out of a cave and yelled "To hell with Bush!"
"Just my luck,"
said the Marine. "I can't shoot a fellow Democrat."
SPAM FROM HELL
Information is
NOT the only thing that travels through the Internet. So does your Aura!
www.PsychicReal
m.com has learned to tap your life energy and guide you through life:
and
POST SEPTEMBER
11: ATTENTION
BECOME A TRAUMA
COACH
Erickson College
Coaches and Trainers are facilitating small to medium sized "Leadership
Days" for a variety of companies in various cities throughout North America.
We are also currently teaching a four-day course November 15, 16, 17, and
18, called: Coaching Trauma; Coaching Team for ICF member coaches and other
respected coaches who may be interested in joining a core group of trauma
coaching facilitators, or who may wish to begin Trauma Coaching on your
own.
QUIZ FROM HELL
What is causing
that pain in your buttocks?
a) a pitchfork
b) a pitchfork
c) a pitchfork
d) a pitchfork
BABY FOOD FROM HELL
