Four Poems by Adam Irving, SNReview Summer 2003

A New Swear Word

When I was eleven or twelve,
me and a friend decided
to invent a new swear word.
It was 'Schmeiser'
We said it to our friends
and spent the day at a fairground,
screaming the word
as we went on various rides
We vowed to force it
into the English language,
for it to stand among other
well known profanities.
The whole day was spent
levering it into all we said
and then we forgot about it,
never said it again.
That's the way things go sometimes
Such good intentions
and then distraction.

Waiting

I've only been here for two decades
and already feel like I've been waiting for a bus,
not enough time to really get my teeth into anything,
but too much time to be expecting public transport
Most people set their countdown for that golden moment of death
as soon as they are aware of it.
When will it be? How will it happen?
I imagine it will be quite similar to standing on one leg for too long
and as I can't be proven wrong or otherwise,
that's what I'm sticking by
I sometimes wonder how long I've got,
with a smile and a sigh
I hope that I die doing an impression
of a man choking on a button
but actually be choking on a button.
Compare these ideas with what you wish
An unfinished comparison is like a cat.

Wallpaper & Football

Wallpaper...
She took the easiest path
of ponies, dolls and girlie things
of magazines that tell you how to think
and make-up that conceals the most beautiful faces,
pink and doors that are always held open,
had kids so not to be the odd one out,
a diet and some rags with well known labels,
found a husband who'd convinced himself he needed a girl,
they both warmed to the natural progression
of houses, pets, mortgages,
she spent hours discussing wallpaper,
grew old and kept up the front,
watched the kids do the same
but began to miss little things,
things she wanted when she was younger.
Retired and sat there eating toast,
it was herself she missed the most

Football...
He gave into peer pressure,
fighting in the playground over football,
TV shows of violence for boys would flow,
cut his hair short like the rest,
dressed like all the others did,
needed to lose his virginity quickly,
bought some designer gear to impress,
met a girl he wanted to shag,
she wouldn't go away,
he liked to be looked after,
moved in with her,
pretended to listen as she talked about decorating
stayed with her for convenience,
got jealous of their kids
resented their freedom,
missed being reckless too.
Old, with tea and currant bun,
he wondered what he could have done.

The Orange That Wanted
To Be A Chocolate Bar

They, whoever they are,
say that mankind is the most superior being
because we can reason and are aware
of our own existence
And I can't help thinking about that idea
and when the last time was
that the average person stopped what they were doing
and pondered their own existence.
The answer
for most people
is never
Humans plough through life with their heads down
fighting minor, insignificant battles
imposed on them by the culture around them
and then, one fine sunny day, they die
and it's usually permanent.
Nobody is an expert of life,
we each have views and opinions,
we each see the world differently,
therefore,
simply being a human, gives you
the right to philosophise about them.
And my own view is that
I don't have that much respect or admiration
for humans as a species.
I'm aware I am one,
but cursed with the insane longing to be something else
I am the orange who wanted to be a chocolate bar
Because as a whole, totalling it all up on a list,
with positives and minuses,
our contributions are useful only to us.
Our mistakes destroy everything, including ourselves.
We are a living contradiction.
We have the ability to do endless things
and then always do them to extremes
or for the wrong reasons.
We want to fly but aren't birds,
we long to stay underwater when we aren't fish,
we constantly try to cure death
or try to let people who can't have babies,
have babies
Maybe it's not just me,
Maybe we are all oranges.

Adam Irving, 26 years old, lives in Manchester, UK. He prefers to be known as 'Irving' “as my first name is far too religious for my liking.” He spent several years as a musician in various touring bands. A collection of his poetry is entitled Coffee Shop Philosophy and is available from www.amazon.co.uk or from the publisher Mucusart.

Copyright 2003, Adam Irving. This work is protected under the U.S. copyright laws. It may not be reproduced, reprinted, reused, or altered without the expressed written permission of the author.