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"Yeah, Minnesota's cold...
but a romance novel & your MFFLRR will keep you warm!"
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Just for fun...
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"Hey, did you hear the one about the romance reader who...?"
email us & tell us about it
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"...It was a dark and stormy night...
The power went out and their animal passions finally got the better of them.
At that moment they knew they had to be together.
They knew it was wrong, but it felt so RIGHT!
Then, the power came back on..."
Thanks to my friend Pam for emailing me this caption w/photo
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BAD ROMANCE NOVEL OPENING LINES
(abridged from rom101.com)
"I couldn't take my eyes off of his rippling physique, his dark leonine mane, his sensual lips, and his skim, no foam, double cappuccino, half-caf, half-decaf eyes."... "Within minutes of their meeting, representatives Beth (D-Florida) and Eric (R-Montana) lumbered into the bedroom where soon the unmistakable sounds of wet, naked bodies engaged in a sexual congress were heard." ... "'Miss Savannah, is there room for both of us in that hoop skirt?' Chandler mocked with a slight bow and a sweep of his top hat."... "The T. Rex stopped to stare at the female, its tawny pecs rippling in the dappled light."... "Nick Adams held the corset in his hand. It was a good corset. It would rip when he ripped it. Nick liked that."... "Her voice quivered like a plate of Jell-O on a fault line, and her body was soon to follow."...
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Early
MN
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Signs a Romance Novel has been Plagiarized
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://wwwtopfive.com
15. Hero rips open heroine's bodice and gasps, "Bosoms are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get."
14. Book after book, the same plot: Boy kills father, boy marries mother, boy pokes his eyes out.
13. The author is 6' 3", weighs 220, has more body hair than Robin Williams, lives in Tulsa and *insists* his real name is Barbara Cartland. You do the math.
12. Promo on the cover: "Noted law enforcement agent, Richard Jewell, debuts with this story of lasting passion set in his beloved hometown of Atlanta during the Civil War."
11. Author's name, Tralachan LeGraipazir, is merely a scrambled version of "Charlatan Plagiarizer."
10. Contains the recurring line: "Yes I would like to wham and bam; Sam I am and thank you, Ma'am!"
9. Something familiar about a boy and girl from feuding families in Verona, Italy.
8. One big open quote mark on the first page and one big closed quote on the last page.
7. "He slowly turned, and in his most seductive voice asked, 'You talkin' to me? Are YOU talkin' to ME?!'"
6. Instead of "slaking his passion with Gabriella's lush lips," the hero "gyres and gimbles in Gabriella's wabe."
5. Chapter in which a scantily-clad Desiree clings to the sinewy Roberto and recites a list of ways he can tell if he might be a redneck.
4. The author? Danielle Steal.
3. Hero's frequent calls of "Adrian!!" seem to ring a bell.
2. Published by Kinko's.
1. Heartbreaking passage where all four female leads are dumped -- as Jack slips out the back, Stan makes a new plan, Roy becomes inexplicably coy and Gus heads for the bus depot.
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A ROMANCE READER IF...
(this has been on a few romance websites, and I have yet to find a credit)
~You make your decision what to cook later that night based on what the heroine and hero are having in the novel you're reading
~While thinking about that same novel, you go to the store for another loaf of bread, forget what you went after, and come home with a box of chocolate and yet another romance novel
~Your "to-be-read" pile is taller than the swaggering hero in the current novel, but not quite as tall as that stack of laundry waiting for you in the other room
~You feel a need to qualify your colors. Nothing is simply red, green, blue, or yellow. It's temperamental red, tenderfoot green, muted blue or buoyant yellow
~You mark your calendar with bookstore "arrival dates", not birthdays
~You pick your children's names from a list of your favorite heroines and heroes
~You suspect your husband's motivation when he says he wants to make love to you
~You have trained your unconscious sleeping self to keep your finger in between the pages where you stop reading at night
~Your house has started to look like a used bookstore. When your friends comment on the large number of paperbacks, your husband explains that its a sickness
~You have your local bookstore programmed into your speed dial
"just let me finish this one page" translates into "I'll do it tomorrow"
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